Monday, May 7, 2012
Sitting on a bench
latest blogpost I decided to sit down on a bench on my morning-walk. I gave myself the luxury of going slowly, breathing deeply and being present....or at least that was my intention. Today was yet another beautiful day, the warmest so far this year. I walked my usual route by the sea where there is a new and comfortable path with benches facing the sea at regular intervals. I never sit down on them though, my girls often ask me to sit down but I usually wait while they have a little sit-down and then rush them to keep going. Well today was a perfect day to sit on a bench - but I couldn´t do it. I don´t think I lasted two minutes....I felt extremely uncomfortable, I was looking around to check if anyone was coming, if anyone would see me and I couldn´t relax at all. It just felt so wrong. Now this experiment just made my head spin with all kinds of thoughts. "What is wrong with me? What is wrong with society? People, connection, being present, solitude, letting go, obesity, tension, mood swings, my relationships" and my thoughts were spiraling all the way back home. Each thought with a life of it´s own - I feel like I´m cleaning the basement of my life, where I´ve been throwing things down for years and years without a thought - maybe things are just best kept down there, maybe I shouldn´t be getting my hands dirty trying to sort out this mess, maybe it just supposed to be messy, everybody needs a place for their mess, maybe that´s just life.........still somehow I belief I´m on the right track. Hopefully one day I will be comfortable enough to sit on a bench by myself with no distractions and face the world.